Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
