Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
