Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
