Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
