you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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