i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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