to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
