I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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