I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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