Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
