As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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