But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
