watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
