I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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