and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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