I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
