she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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