Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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