im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
