ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
