just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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