More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
