Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
