you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
