I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
