I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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