Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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