My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
