so explain again why im purple
no
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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