I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
