Need sex. Gaining weight.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
