Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
