You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
