What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
