you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
