twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
