I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
