he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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