So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
