Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
