He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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