Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
