Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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