Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
