Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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