i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
