I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
