Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
