Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
