i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
