please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
