I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
